Fiercely Unnatural

After posting the last one on feeding the deer, I realized that the last post before that was back in January and was probably the last day that I worked at the horse farm. Why? Because   the next day I came down with the same coughing virus from which I thought I had just recovered. Another trip to the doctor after three more weeks of coughing and finally got some medicine that made it go away. J had been telling me for over a month to go to the doctor, but I said, "It's a virus, there's nothing she can give me that will help." Wrong. Will I never listen? Probably not.

However, haven't gone back to work because I'm a wimp and it is still so cold in the mornings that am afraid that if I go back to spending 3-4 hrs. out there in that cold I'll start coughing again. Like I said, I'm a wimp. My girlfriend called me a candy-ass, but I prefer wimp.

J is home from work and has snow-blowed up back and is now feeding those hungry critters again. As his son said, they have become a full-time job. But this is a fiercely unnatural winter and they need the extra care. They had already come back looking for more just before he came home.

Spring?

March 20, 2014, first day of Spring and 45deg. F here in Maine at 1:40pm and everything melting like crazy. We woke up this morning to 8-10" more of snow on top of the already couple of feet of snow on the ground that has been there frozen all winter. Days the temp sometimes climbs to mid to upper 40's and this feels like a heat wave to us because we have become accustomed to much lower temps (sub-zeros anywhere between 20's up to +20's) for almost six months. And there seems to be no real warm-up in sight. (Big Sigh)

J had to go to work early this morning because there was no school due to the snowstorm. So when I got up I found a text asking me if I could snowshoe up back and feed the deer. Because I had just looked out the window and saw 3 or 4 deer out there waiting, I gave another big sigh, (hadn't had my coffee yet)(whine, whine, whine) got dressed, put on my boots, coat and gloves and went out with a big pail of grain that J had left on the inside porch. I took my snowshoes and the pail with scoop and started off up the road. I look up and there were 3 standing at the end of the road watching. By the time I got to where he starts dropping piles of grain, they turned and ran back into the trees. But I wasn't fooled; I knew they hadn't gone far.

I trudged back and forth through the snow making paths onto which I could drop the grain, up and down the road, then into the woods where the snow kept dropping off the trees onto my head. Luckily my hoodie was up. Back and forth, up and down until I was right behind the house close to the bird feeder. When I got back to the road, I looked up to the end and there they were, already eating what I had put down. Hungry, hungry deer. I came back down the road emptying the pail as I went.

Coming back to the front of the house, I realized that the birds needed food also but had already taken off my snowshoes. So I trudged back out with the seed but only in my boots, no problem. Okay, everybody fed. Now, back in the kitchen to my coffee, right? No, have to put the smoked picnic on the stove to start cooking, then the sheets in the washer to begin their cycle. Now my coffee, Yes!! And I don't have to go to the gym today.

15 Below

Usually I think my job is fun. Working around horses and adorable ponies and getting to love on them in between mucking out their stalls is fun for me. However, today was not quite as much fun; working outdoors for four hours in -15 degrees F. Thank God it was not windy. We had to keep going into the tack room where there is a heater and changing out our gloves. We'd put the cold ones on the heater and put on warm ones that we had left there. Boy, did that feel good, but it didn't last long. Before you knew it, you had to go back for another change.

Luckily for me, I only do six stalls and water and then I'm done and can walk back up the lane to a warm wood stove. My co-worker does the other six stalls, feeds all the animals, puts them in and out, waters outside animals, plus all the other barn duties. She works all day, but she is young and can handle it. She works hard and she loves the horses. She is very knowledgeable and I am very impressed.

Anyway, this old woman was quite happy when her stalls were done and all were watered and it was time to walk up the lane. Sometimes it felt like the old lungs were frozen.

Weather report said colder tomorrow. Oh dear.

First Post of 2014....A Grumble?

Even before commencing this post, I am feeling a little guilty because of wanting to grumble about this rainy, icy, miserable winter plus the fact that I have been sick with a respiratory virus since December 26 and just when I am starting to feel a little better albeit with a residual cough, my gentleman friend roomie comes down with strep throat which means poor little old me will undoubtedly have it by the end of the week. Really?

Okay, now that I've got that out of me, enough. I fully realize that there are millions out there so much worse off than I am. Am thinking especially of all those poor little sick children with life-threatening illnesses who are so brave and strong and never cry, "Why me?" And yes, I am thankful to God for my life and everything in it. Hence the guilty feelings.

How could one not be thankful for the chance to see faces like this every day of said miserable winter:

Or for having beautiful grandchildren like this:

So, old man winter or witchy woman winter, whichever, bring it on. Rain, ice, snow, cold, we can deal.

Rambles

Walked to the Post Office this afternoon, about two miles total. Sunny and warm, temp. close to 50°F. It smelled and felt like spring. Had on my new suede high top boots from Cabelas (Christmas present), my new purple slouch visor cap, and clipped on my shades. Feeling good. Hope I looked as good as I felt, but doubtful.

Walking though the village of my youth brings back many memories. I pass houses that once were the homes of childhood friends; the Town Office was my high school. That dental office was my first school, kindergarten through third grade. An incident that happened there when I was in first grade impacted the rest of my life — negatively. A bad teacher, a woman who should never have been allowed near children,   planted the seed for a bad self image. After 58 years, I can finally look back and put it all in perspective and see it for what it was. And realize it was her problem, not mine. And that is a good thing.

Am watching a deer eating at one of J's feeding stations out back as I write. She is so pretty. And all alone, which is unusual. They usually come in groups, does and lambs first, in groups of four to six, then later maybe a dozen at a time at dark. It is still light out.  Maybe she is a he.

A picture from last winter's herd:

We had SO much more snow last year. Today there is bare ground all around those trees.

Anyway, getting back to my next to last post about prayer and football. Well, I am sorry to say, my prayers did our boys no good last night. Needless to say, J and I went to bed last night quite depressed. I was very surprised at how let down I felt. Never expected it to effect me that much. Silly.

Oh well, guess I'll go dip some strawberries in chocolate.

Glowing in the woods

Went snowshoeing yesterday up on J's back 80. What a beautiful day! 46°F and sunny. Followed deer tracks through the woods to bypass a tree that was down across the road. Plus all the snowmelt. Made for quite an obstacle course, but wonderful exercise in clear, fresh air. Smelled soo-o-oo good. There was only 3-4 inches of snow out there and after the warm temps today, I won't be repeating this great experience soon if we don't get some white stuff soon. Maybe Friday, I hear.

Before I was halfway up the hill, I was soaked with you know what. As the saying goes, men sweat, women glow. Well, they should have been able to see me from outer space.

My 2011 summer visit to the heartland.

2011 was a special year for me because thanks to my son and daughter-in-law I was able to fly out to the heartland to visit and see them for the first time since 2008 when they came here to Maine.  It was a fun trip and I was astonished at how my grandchildren had grown.

This is my youngest, C, 6 years old and super, super smart. Very pretty in her T-ball uniform. Watching her play was so much fun. Especially when she was playing catcher and covering her mouth to hide a laugh every time an opposing little player missed the ball.

We had a very, very hot, but fun day at the zoo where I took this shot of A, C's big sister, 15.

Hope you can see the beautiful peacock in full display in the background. We always have an enjoyable time here. Wish I'd had my camera going in the gorilla display where A was sitting on a ledge next to the viewing window and the big silver back male came charging holding a big plastic barrel he plays with and banging it against the window just trying to scare us. Thought A was going to jump out of her skin. Well, to be honest, we all did. It was so sudden and unexpected. He really got us.

This next one is one of my favorites, of C at the Golden Corral. I love that place! Wish we had one up here in Maine.

So pretty.


We were also eating supper at a GC one night on our way to one of my grandson's Little League games when the tornado warning siren went off and we looked out the window and saw a huge black cloud headed right for us. We jumped in the car and started driving south as the storm was going east. We just kept driving south until we were out of range and then headed back west towards home where the storm had just come through, not knowing if we would have a home to go back to. The storm was headed right for where we were supposed to go to the game. All turned out okay and they still had a home. No real damage was done. It seems no funnel cloud actually hit the ground on this one, but it sure looked like a possibility at the time. I was definitely very nervous, needless to say.

My son, Jon, with B and C, at the zoo. They are watching a tiny miniature goat who was running around free and then just walked into this cage right between the bars. So cute.

I shocked my son when he asked me if I would like to go for a ride. I just said, "Do you have an extra helmet?" He knew I was less than happy when he told me a couple years ago that he had gotten a bike because my brother, Jon, had died in a motorcycle accident in 2001. So his namesake was fully expecting that I would say, "No way!" Surprise! We had a great day out on the bike. He enjoyed showing me the sights this way; we went into the Old Town for lunch and had a beautiful ride through the park. 

It was a lovely two weeks with my beautiful family. Really hoping they make it to Maine in 2012.

STUFF and nonsense

Cloudy and cool and supposed to rain. Got new glasses today and I still have to zoom way in to see what I'm writing. Oh well. Here's what they look like:

I had to put them down on my nose in order to keep from getting light glare in the pic. Not easy to do with Photobooth.

So-o-o-o, I finally got my ebay account set up and have two items listed. They are vintage magazines, The American Woman, from 1921, published in Augusta, Maine of all places. The cover art is fantastic, wish I could post a picture, but for some reason, the upload doesn't work. Not supporting the new Photoshop software, will have to figure that out. I am still SO computer illiterate. Maybe I have to send the photos to iphoto first. Whatever. They can be found on ebay under Collectibles>vintage magazines. Worth a look.

Maybe my life can become a little less cluttered by getting rid of some of the STUFF collected over 64 years. It has to, especially since J wants to go to the auction every weekend and get more STUFF!

This gift

Planted my peas today, very early for this region. We've had such a mild, short winter that our spirits and our minds naturally turn to growing things and cleaning up the yard. We want to stretch the warmer seasons as far as possible, to take advantage of this gift as long as we can. Especially after the long, cold, rainy spring and summer of last year. This short winter and early spring is so unusual for us that we have to embrace it, claim it, own it, guard it jealously and not let it get away from us. Tomorrow I will plant my swiss chard.  I've transplanted hostas and jonquils along the easterly stone wall, also planted three packs of pansies.  I can hear some of you saying "Yes, but it is only April 11, we can still have snow and cold weather. Aren't you jumping the gun a little?" Possibly, but I don't think so. Even if it happens, all that I've done can stand a frost or even a little snow. Just getting a jumpstart and it feels so good.

Naive, disingenuous, or immature?

Well, in my last post I mistakenly stated that President Obama was coming to Portland on the same day as the partially nude walkers were to be doing their thing. Wrong. He came on Thursday and got a great reception, rightfully so. And the bare-breasted ladies (and some men) walked through town yesterday. It seems they also got a great reception, with a lot of picture takers in tow. Some of the walkers took exception to having their pictures snapped without permission as per comments quoted in the Maine Sunday Telegram. One was angered by the idea that people thought it was an event that warranted taking pictures. One event watcher commented that he thought the walkers were naive if they did not expect people to take pictures. I'm not sure 'naive' is the word I would use. I'm thinking 'disingenuous' myself, but possibly just immature. What do you think?

Walking to a different standard

Haven't been here in a while. I just told my sister that it was because there is so much to do and so little time. Then said, no, be honest. I've just been lazy and not up to the task of working my thought processes as I should be. I really have no valid excuse other than it is too easy to find something else (or nothing) to do.  I saw a quote yesterday (and can't remember where or who by) that essentially said, saying 'I don't have time' is no excuse.

Time can always be found for what is important to us.  We just have to stop wasting it elsewhere.

Anyway, I was just reminded of an article in one of our local papers when I was looking over the feeds from blogs that I'm supposed to be following (but who has time?). One of them had something about "Clothes make the man..." and this reminded me of said article about the fact that this coming weekend a group of women (and some men) are planning to walk down Congress Street in Portland nude from the waist up. Their reasoning being they want to show their non-acceptance of the old double standard. They say, "if it's alright for a man to walk around without a top, then it's okay for a woman."

Aside from the fact that it could still be quite chilly on Saturday next, (it is still March, people, after all) I find this quite funny. No less for the fact that I also read that President Obama is planning a visit to Portland on the same day. I don't think there is any connection between the two events. It sounded like the nude walkers had planned this before any knowledge of the President's visit was made known. I can't help wondering if he has been told of the planned walk and if so, what his thought's were/are. Hope he gets a giggle out of it, as I have. Heaven knows, after the year he's had, he could use one.

I have a few other thoughts about the "if it's okay for the man, it's okay for the woman" rationale. Many years ago, I used that same rationale to condone my own foolish actions, namely, sleeping with whomever I pleased whenever I pleased wherever I pleased. And I pleased way too much.  My thinking, I'm not living by anybody's double standard, if a man can do it and everybody says, he's just being a man, then nobody has a right to say anything about me. I never stopped to think, hey, it is NOT okay for a man, they just tell themselves it is. It was naive, selfish thinking on my part. Thank goodness I snapped out of it.

There are many double standards still very much alive and well in this world, e.g. standards thought to hold for men and not women; for Republicans and not Democrats (and vice versa); for so-called Christians and not any other religion (and vice versa) and so on, and so on. We just have to see them for what they are: rationales for whatever person or group to use to condone their own bad behavior while condemning that of others. We simply have to be true to ourselves and to our God.

Early Spring Energy

Just sitting here with a glass of wine/brandy (the name of it is "Roughshod" by Blacksmiths, a Maine vintner. It is made with "wild Maine blueberries delicately blended with (grape) brandy." A sweet port wine and I find it delicious. The bottle says "A wine to "get a grip."" Actually I bought it because I loved the name, "Roughshod." Kind of how I feel right now. I can't believe what a busy and productive day I have had.

It began about 6:15 this morning when I came downstairs after J went to work at his part-time job (two mornings a week). First I started the fire in the fireplace stove, then made my coffee and began making doughnuts. Wanted to have fresh ones to share with J's sister when she came for my sewing lesson. Once they were done, I took a quick shower. While I was still in the tub, C called to say she couldn't come today because of a family crisis, not serious. Up to this time, I had been scurrying around trying to get done before she came. So I exhaled and slowed down the pace. Time to have a cup of coffee and a couple of doughnuts with the morning paper.

In between all this I'm letting first one, then the other cat either outdoors or onto the porch (one is an outdoors cat, the other an indoor cat) then back in again. They are always on the wrong side of a door it seems. Just like kids.

Of course, I'm also constantly feeding the fire. Next, I take the wood carrier and it's off to the garage across the driveway to haul in firewood.  After both boxes are filled, it is time to start thinking about lunch. J will be home to eat and hopefully relax a bit before going to his full-time evening job. Both his jobs are extremely physical and labor intensive, so I want to do as many of the home chores as I can to help him.

The spaghetti sauce is almost done by the time he arrives so we can sit and enjoy lunch together. Then he enjoys a chance to relax and read the paper while I clean up. After he again leaves for work, I cut out an applique for an apron that I'm making and realize that the material for the pocket on which the applique is going needs to be washed. So I do a load of reds and hang out on the line.

Done with this I notice the old rose climbing vine is a real mess and so I get the clippers and attack the old dead canes, training the green ones onto the latticework and generally "neating up" the whole flower garden area. Kit Kat, the indoor one, is on the screened-in porch going mad jumping from window to window watching every move I make outside. I know she wants to come out and join me, but she's never been allowed outside and I know J doesn't want her out, so far be it from me to be the one to let her out.

By now, it is time to check the sap buckets. After gathering around eight to ten gallons, I fill a pail with the grain/pellet mixture J makes up and go out back to feed the deer. They don't really need it now, but we still have quite a bit in the barrel and they are still coming, so-oo-oo.

Back in the house, put a log on the fire, check the cats. Both are sleeping finally. Get my glass, open the wine, boot up the MacBook and voila!  Nice day. Spring has sprung. Feeling good. I am blessed every day.

Although, I keep getting this nagging feeling that I've forgotten something, something else that I did today. Oh well. If so, it'll come to me eventually.

It is now exactly 6:15 pm.

Forgiveness

Have been doing some thinking about forgiveness. Sometimes it is easy. Maybe someone insults you or is rude to you or says something that hurts your feelings. You get over it and forgive them because you love them, they are your friend or co-worker or your boss or for whatever reason. Maybe you realize that they really didn't mean what they said or they didn't know that it would hurt you. They were just being sarcastic; that's their style of humor.  Life will be easier if you forgive and forget, so you do.

Sometimes it is not so easy, but you manage it over time. Maybe someone told a lie and a friendship was broken. You want to forgive this someone because you are close and you do not know how. But you need to forgive this person so you act as though you have. You do not say anything and go on as if nothing had happened. In time, and it could take years, many years, but the forgiveness comes. It is a lightening of the heart, a whisper across the soul...gone... free.

Then again, there are times when forgiving seems impossible. How do you forgive when someone crushes your lifelong dream? How do you forgive someone who corrupts the goodness of another's soul out of greed or a need to control? When someone whom you have believed to be a lifelong friend gives their word and then denies it. You know you have to forgive, for the sake of your own soul. So you can be forgiven for your own sins. But how? What if this person continues to treat you with hatred and scorn? And you know that it is only so this person can rationalize their own actions?

I am sure there are people out there who may have found it difficult, may even have found it impossible, to forgive me for past sins. I hope they can, for their sakes, not mine. I have certainly committed enough...for two lifetimes. But that is ancient history, and more importantly, has nothing whatsoever to do with the present. Happily I am no longer that person. I know that I have been Forgiven because I have been so blessed in every aspect of my life. As my late friend said, "I am blessed every day."

So, knowing this, how do I forgive what feels impossible to forgive? How do I not? But how do I? I don't have the answer yet.

Only the first

Yesterday morning I had my first sewing lesson. When I entered my friend's home, the delicious smell and the warmth welcomed me in out of the brutal cold. I had flashbacks to walking into my Aunt Minnie's farmhouse kitchen as a child to the wonderful aromas of her cooking and the heat from her old wood cookstove. My friend had just taken a cinnamon coffeecake from the oven and the smell was incredible.

We chatted a while and inspected the various remnants that I had brought before getting down to work. Her instructions were clear, concise and easy to follow. Once I had cut out all the pieces, she suggested we take a break and have our coffee and cake. We did so in the coziness of her sewing room by the little wood stove while she told me a story about J as a boy. We laughed a lot.

She taught me how to use the machine and how to place each piece and how to line them up with the right notch on the foot as I stitch them together. As we worked, she included many little hints and shortcuts that made the job run smoothly and quickly. It seemed so easy; before I knew it, I had a beautiful apron. Needless to say, I felt quite proud of my accomplishment.

My friend is a good teacher and a lot of fun to be around. She graciously showed me the rugs that she braided and the quilts she had made and I felt humbled by her talent and the craftsmanship that went into each piece. She encouraged me to keep up the good work and to come back for more projects and I know I will; although I left with the confidence that I will be able to make another apron all on my own.

Lesson learned.

Note to self: do not buy fish at the butcher shop, at least not this one. $15 worth of fish and scallops thrown in the trash because it was SO not fresh. I know, I should have taken it back and demanded my money back, but I chose to chalk it up to a lesson learned. Figure I should have known better anyway. Don't believe that a butcher shop should smell that bad, so we won't be returning. It's sad because it is new in the neighborhood and I was excited about having one nearby. Oh well.

Question marks

Not really a fan of this editing program, seems to do crazy things all on its own. I set the font & size and space and when I hit the publish button, it comes out different every time. One of the posts I've edited several times trying to get it right and each time there is more space between the title and the body and between the body and footer. ????? what's up with this? I'm such a non-geek. I guess it doesn't really matter.


Chores are done, my birds fed, the stew is delicious as always and the cat is still asleep on the rug. What a life. Enjoying a glass of wine to celebrate it.

Nothing but food and fun

Housework done, venison stew cooking on the woodstove, cat sleeping on the rug, watching the Barefoot Contessa and the sun is shining. Another good day. Do have to confess, J made the stew as he always does. I peeled the potatoes and a few carrots, that's it. Now my job is to watch it and not to let it burn since J has gone to work; already added the potatoes so I'm pretty much done.
Have to go to the butchers for some fish, yes, fish because remember I have to eat healthier. With a freezer full of venison and a partner who prefers red meat and potatoes, I have to introduce the white meat and fish to the house if I want any. As it should be.
Then off to the farm for a few chores and to my house to find my mat cutter so I can frame up a family picture for J's mom. Love this woman, 97-yrs-old and sharp as a tack; it is fun to listen to her stories of J and his sibs growing up.
Ok, times a wastin'. Later.

Spirits revived

Went for a 3-mile walk today and it felt so good to be able to enjoy fresh air and sunshine again. And no wind. So what if you have to watch for traffic and jump into snow banks to avoid being splashed or run over because there are no sidewalks. It is still worth every second. 
Yesterday I spent mostly in bed recovering from too much rich food for too long and my gall-bladder rebelled. So back to being careful. or at least more careful than I have been for the past few weeks. That's alright, the holidays were worth it; spending quality time with loved ones is always worth it. But, for now, no more cheesecake, no more lobster stew or dreamy, creamy French toast breakfast casserole, no more bacon, pumpkin pie or J's wonderful steak. Oh, it has been a glorious two weeks. At least I have my memories.

For anyone who may think this will be a blog about New Age ideas due to my title, Spirit of the Dragonfly, I say either, don't worry it's not, or sorry it's not. Depending on what one is looking for. I just have always felt a deep connection to the dragonfly and they are special to me. My Blackfeet ancestors might tell me that the dragonfly is my spirit guide. That would be nice; I'd like to think so. This is the closest I get to New Age. The First Nations believe that every living thing has a spirit. Well actually that all things have a spirit, because rocks also have spirit to them. I don't know, maybe they do; I have a deep affinity for rocks as well, as did my mother. Anyway, my point being that these beliefs were held centuries before the so-called New Age came along. I guess I sound as though I am disparaging the New Age phenom. Don't mean to be; it's just not for me.

New year, new beginning, new blog

Got to give it a try. We'll find out if this old woman has
anything to say or not. I really don't know. Probably,

that is not the way to establish reader confidence; 

however, it is honest. And I have to be that, or this is 

a worthless endeavor. As this is the beginning of a new

year and a new decade, hopefully it is a good time to 

begin a new blog. 

I've had a few new starts in my life and I'd like to think

that my character, my soul, my spirit and my wisdom 

have improved at least somewhat with each one. Taking

the risk of sounding a bit cliché: but, if we are paying 

attention, we truly can learn something new everyday. 

Yesterday, I watched the movie, JULIE & JULIA, and loved

it. I certainly don't expect anything like that to happen

to me, but it will be a new experience and that has to be

a good thing. I will ask the Lord to guide my ideas, my 

writing and my postings and go from there. How can 

one go wrong with that?