First Post of 2014....A Grumble?

Even before commencing this post, I am feeling a little guilty because of wanting to grumble about this rainy, icy, miserable winter plus the fact that I have been sick with a respiratory virus since December 26 and just when I am starting to feel a little better albeit with a residual cough, my gentleman friend roomie comes down with strep throat which means poor little old me will undoubtedly have it by the end of the week. Really?

Okay, now that I've got that out of me, enough. I fully realize that there are millions out there so much worse off than I am. Am thinking especially of all those poor little sick children with life-threatening illnesses who are so brave and strong and never cry, "Why me?" And yes, I am thankful to God for my life and everything in it. Hence the guilty feelings.

How could one not be thankful for the chance to see faces like this every day of said miserable winter:

Or for having beautiful grandchildren like this:

So, old man winter or witchy woman winter, whichever, bring it on. Rain, ice, snow, cold, we can deal.

The Importance of Prayer

Spent the afternoon (and now the evening) watching football with J. Of course we are huge New England Patriots fans and this was a real nail biter of a game. I did a lot of praying and we won.  Did my prayers have anything to do with this win? I tried hard not to ask outright for a Pat's win, but for help for them to play their best and for "Thy Will be done", as my mother always taught me. Now I have to wonder.  It wasn't so much that the Pats won, but that the Raven's lost and at the last minute. A 3-point game lost by a missed field goal kick. They did outplay us in many ways and yet we still won. Wow. Maybe we had more people praying for us than they did. I know many will say we just got really lucky. I don't believe in luck. I do believe in the power of prayer. We were Blessed. So now the Pats go to the Super Bowl in 2 weeks and a lot more prayers will be said.

I also expect there are those out there who would say I shouldn't be wasting prayers on a game or that I shouldn't be bothering God over such unimportant matters. Don't think that is true. Belief and faith tell me that we can take anything (ANYTHING) to God. There is nothing too important or too unimportant.

Walking to a different standard

Haven't been here in a while. I just told my sister that it was because there is so much to do and so little time. Then said, no, be honest. I've just been lazy and not up to the task of working my thought processes as I should be. I really have no valid excuse other than it is too easy to find something else (or nothing) to do.  I saw a quote yesterday (and can't remember where or who by) that essentially said, saying 'I don't have time' is no excuse.

Time can always be found for what is important to us.  We just have to stop wasting it elsewhere.

Anyway, I was just reminded of an article in one of our local papers when I was looking over the feeds from blogs that I'm supposed to be following (but who has time?). One of them had something about "Clothes make the man..." and this reminded me of said article about the fact that this coming weekend a group of women (and some men) are planning to walk down Congress Street in Portland nude from the waist up. Their reasoning being they want to show their non-acceptance of the old double standard. They say, "if it's alright for a man to walk around without a top, then it's okay for a woman."

Aside from the fact that it could still be quite chilly on Saturday next, (it is still March, people, after all) I find this quite funny. No less for the fact that I also read that President Obama is planning a visit to Portland on the same day. I don't think there is any connection between the two events. It sounded like the nude walkers had planned this before any knowledge of the President's visit was made known. I can't help wondering if he has been told of the planned walk and if so, what his thought's were/are. Hope he gets a giggle out of it, as I have. Heaven knows, after the year he's had, he could use one.

I have a few other thoughts about the "if it's okay for the man, it's okay for the woman" rationale. Many years ago, I used that same rationale to condone my own foolish actions, namely, sleeping with whomever I pleased whenever I pleased wherever I pleased. And I pleased way too much.  My thinking, I'm not living by anybody's double standard, if a man can do it and everybody says, he's just being a man, then nobody has a right to say anything about me. I never stopped to think, hey, it is NOT okay for a man, they just tell themselves it is. It was naive, selfish thinking on my part. Thank goodness I snapped out of it.

There are many double standards still very much alive and well in this world, e.g. standards thought to hold for men and not women; for Republicans and not Democrats (and vice versa); for so-called Christians and not any other religion (and vice versa) and so on, and so on. We just have to see them for what they are: rationales for whatever person or group to use to condone their own bad behavior while condemning that of others. We simply have to be true to ourselves and to our God.

Passages

What an honor and a privilege to be with a friend at the time of her death. To have had the opportunity to give her the best care I could possibly give in the last few weeks of her life, to have shared in her thoughts and feelings, her laughter and her frustrations as well as her hopes, was such a blessing to me I have to give thanks.

I said "her death" and not her passing because this is what she believed. She said many times that she wasn't passing on or passing over, not going to be with anyone over there. "When I'm dead, I'm dead, that's all." And she was okay with this; she was ready and not afraid. I cannot feel sorry for her because she lived a very long life (97) and she lived it her way. She knew who she was, what she liked and what she wanted. She was good hearted, strong willed and sharp as a tack, right to the very end. I only feel sorry for her many family members who miss her so terribly.

Another reason I do not feel sorry for her is because I do not agree with her belief that she would not pass over to another life and be with God and her loved ones. I am sure that she is with them and that she is joyfully surprised to be there. One cannot love as much as she did, or be loved as much as she was and not be There. God bless and keep you, dear friend.

Forgiveness

Have been doing some thinking about forgiveness. Sometimes it is easy. Maybe someone insults you or is rude to you or says something that hurts your feelings. You get over it and forgive them because you love them, they are your friend or co-worker or your boss or for whatever reason. Maybe you realize that they really didn't mean what they said or they didn't know that it would hurt you. They were just being sarcastic; that's their style of humor.  Life will be easier if you forgive and forget, so you do.

Sometimes it is not so easy, but you manage it over time. Maybe someone told a lie and a friendship was broken. You want to forgive this someone because you are close and you do not know how. But you need to forgive this person so you act as though you have. You do not say anything and go on as if nothing had happened. In time, and it could take years, many years, but the forgiveness comes. It is a lightening of the heart, a whisper across the soul...gone... free.

Then again, there are times when forgiving seems impossible. How do you forgive when someone crushes your lifelong dream? How do you forgive someone who corrupts the goodness of another's soul out of greed or a need to control? When someone whom you have believed to be a lifelong friend gives their word and then denies it. You know you have to forgive, for the sake of your own soul. So you can be forgiven for your own sins. But how? What if this person continues to treat you with hatred and scorn? And you know that it is only so this person can rationalize their own actions?

I am sure there are people out there who may have found it difficult, may even have found it impossible, to forgive me for past sins. I hope they can, for their sakes, not mine. I have certainly committed enough...for two lifetimes. But that is ancient history, and more importantly, has nothing whatsoever to do with the present. Happily I am no longer that person. I know that I have been Forgiven because I have been so blessed in every aspect of my life. As my late friend said, "I am blessed every day."

So, knowing this, how do I forgive what feels impossible to forgive? How do I not? But how do I? I don't have the answer yet.

Spirits revived

Went for a 3-mile walk today and it felt so good to be able to enjoy fresh air and sunshine again. And no wind. So what if you have to watch for traffic and jump into snow banks to avoid being splashed or run over because there are no sidewalks. It is still worth every second. 
Yesterday I spent mostly in bed recovering from too much rich food for too long and my gall-bladder rebelled. So back to being careful. or at least more careful than I have been for the past few weeks. That's alright, the holidays were worth it; spending quality time with loved ones is always worth it. But, for now, no more cheesecake, no more lobster stew or dreamy, creamy French toast breakfast casserole, no more bacon, pumpkin pie or J's wonderful steak. Oh, it has been a glorious two weeks. At least I have my memories.

For anyone who may think this will be a blog about New Age ideas due to my title, Spirit of the Dragonfly, I say either, don't worry it's not, or sorry it's not. Depending on what one is looking for. I just have always felt a deep connection to the dragonfly and they are special to me. My Blackfeet ancestors might tell me that the dragonfly is my spirit guide. That would be nice; I'd like to think so. This is the closest I get to New Age. The First Nations believe that every living thing has a spirit. Well actually that all things have a spirit, because rocks also have spirit to them. I don't know, maybe they do; I have a deep affinity for rocks as well, as did my mother. Anyway, my point being that these beliefs were held centuries before the so-called New Age came along. I guess I sound as though I am disparaging the New Age phenom. Don't mean to be; it's just not for me.

Riding the elephant

After reading Sunday's PARADE magazine article, Make Changes That Last, by Chip & Dan Heath, Jan. 3, 2010, I realized that the elephant (the emotional side of my brain) has pretty much ruled my life so far. I haven't been as strong a rider (the rational, analytical side) as I could have been. Knew I should have taken riding lessons instead of singing lessons as a youngster. 
Wonder which side intuition would come under, emotional or rational. Can anyone tell me? Actually, I believe that intuition is just another word for God's voice/guidance as is conscience. Same thing. Simply always trust and follow your intuition and you can't go wrong.